


remember that heartbeat

by banditchika



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 14:37:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15366807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/banditchika/pseuds/banditchika
Summary: Tomoe and Saaya have been doing this dance for far too long. It's time. Tomoe is more than ready to take that final step: make it official, put a ring on it, whatever Moca wants to call it today.Now, if only Ako would stop interrupting her.





	remember that heartbeat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rosenkrone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosenkrone/gifts).



> thank you for commissioning this piece from me, sarah!! it was a blast to write, and i hope you enjoy it as much as i enjoyed writing it!!

Tomoe has a plan.

Or—not a plan, per se, because that makes her sound _seriously_ creepy, but a... a guideline. Yeah, a guideline, or expectations for how things are gonna go down, ‘cuz _god_ does she need one.

The guideline, as of now, goes something like this:

One, invite Saaya over to her place.

Two, put on a movie they both enjoy and settle in for a good time.

Three... something, something.

Four, get the girl!

It's not a great _guideline_ , but it's better than nothing at all. She's always been the kind of girl to rush in the moment she's got a good feeling about something. Most of Afterglow is, actually; the five of them egg each other on until they're all running tilt towards the great unknown, content at tackling even unfamiliar things as long as they're together.

But Tomoe can't fathom how weird it would be if Afterglow were with her on this, so besides the occasional teasing from Moca and supportive texts in the group chat? When it comes to Saaya, Tomoe's all on her own. And without Afterglow to push her in the right direction and tug her away from her worst impulses, Tomoe has to be extra careful.

She's not kicking back with one of her favorite manga or playing a video game with Ako, here. No. This is serious business. There's no closing the book and returning to reality or respawning if she messes up; no going back to how things used to be if everything doesn't go as planned.

And while Tomoe thinks that what she feels for Saaya—the thrumming, throbbing beat of her heart finding new rhythms when her pretty face breaks out into a sunshine bright smile or when her warm laugh fills the air and Tomoe's stomach with butterflies—isn't _no m_ utual, she's not going to take any chances.

What she has with Saaya isn't comparable to any of her relationships with Afterglow. This isn't like fighting with Ran, where things will snap back into place after they finish blowing off some steam, or like bickering with Himari, who's always managed to endear herself again before the day was through. No, this is Saaya, and while Tomoe thinks there's definitely _something_ in the way that Saaya smiles at her and brushes up against her when they're walking together, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be sure. A guideline can't do any harm.

... Well, she says that, but she still has no idea what to do now that Saaya's actually _in_ her house.

Saaya looks a little out of place in the sleek lines and sharp angles of her family's living room. Tomoe has always thought that someone must have carved a little piece of sunshine out of the sky and slipped it into Saaya when she was born; it would explain her warmth, her loveliness, and her easy kindness. But that kind of brightness doesn't have a place among Ako's rock posters and the Udagawa household's cool, modern decor.

(It does have a place in Tomoe's heart, though. That is, if Saaya wants to be there.)

"You know," Saaya says, and Tomoe's knee jerks at the suddenness of her voice.

Damn. She doesn't know what step three actually entails but checking out in the middle of her date definitely isn't it. Regroup. Regroup!

Saaya shifts and smiles up at her, eyes glinting in the living room's dim lighting. Tomoe's heart stutters. Aw, man. What plan could ever prepare her for _that_? "Did you know that my siblings love this movie? They're huge fans of the Happy Rangers."

"Oh, yeah?" She tries for a confident smile—which is kinda hard when she still doesn't have a clue as to how to progress. That is, to _confess_ , but she's a good big sister, and even if it's only for Ako's sake, she's got a lot of experience faking that she knows how to do things.

And speaking of Ako... maybe she's found her way out of this mess, after all. "That's pretty funny—it's one of Ako's favorites too. We used to watch it all the time."

"Maybe there's something about it that attracts younger siblings." Saaya's voice gets so warm when she talks about her family. The affection must be transferrable, because Tomoe always feels lighter after hearing it. "I'm betting it's all the colorful monsters."

Tomoe laughs. "Well, I can't speak for your siblings, but for Ako, it's gotta be the antagonist. Honestly, I wonder if that's where she gets her fallen angel schtick from. Like, maybe this movie was formative for her or something."

"Oh, I can see that." Saaya tilts her chin at the screen, where the antagonist herself—dark haired, winged, and monologuing harder than Seta-senpai ever could—throws everything she can at the protagonists. "And how about you, Tomoe? You said you've watched this movie a lot, right?"

"Yeah. Used to be that I'd come home, heat up food for me and Ako, then put it on while we ate. Played it every night."

"Was there something in the film that moved you?" Saaya asks, resting an elbow on the back of the couch.

She looks cool sitting like that. Poised, just like a model. Which, duh, she was a model, even if only for a day. The scouting agent that booked her for the wedding photoshoot might have given Tomoe the scare of a lifetime, but there's no doubt that he had good taste. "You don't talk about dark arrows and fallen angels like Ako does, but I can see a bit of the heroes in you." She touches her fingers to her chin and hums. "Let me guess: were you inspired by Ranger Red as a kid?"

“ _Inspired_ , huh? You're so sure this movie made a big impact on me," Tomoe laughs, "but I guess you wouldn't be wrong."

"Was I right? Ranger Red?"

"Nah, not Ranger Red—though he's my favorite for sure."

Rather than the colorful cast and vibrant universe, there's something else about the film that stands out in Tomoe's mind. She's almost fond of those memories now, but a small part of her can't shake the shadows of those lonely evenings, when it was just her and Ako alone in their family's too-spacious, too-tasteful house, eating microwaved food and watching TV as the sound system tried its damndest to blast away the silence lingering in the corners of the house.

But that's subject's too dark to bring up in the middle of a kind-of, sort-of movie date. Saaya would understand if Tomoe told her, the same way that Saaya always understands when the topic of their families comes up; but she doesn't deserve to have that dropped on her lap in the middle of a rated-G superhero movie, so Tomoe shakes her head and says: "I always looked up to Ranger Yellow, y'know."

"Ranger Yellow?" Saaya blinks rapidly, and oh, those pretty, pretty blue eyes and long lashes are going to be the death of Tomoe someday. "That's a surprise."

"Is it? I always thought she was super cool. I mean, she didn't have as much screen time as Red did, but she always looked out for her teammates. No matter what happened, you could always rely on Yellow."

"Everyone's big sister," says Saaya, smiling, and that's it right there: Tomoe _knew_ she'd understand.

"Yeah." And then Tomoe smiles back, and Saaya's so lovely and the mood is so good. Her guard goes down.

And what comes out of Tomoe's mouth next is absolutely, one hundred percent Moca's fault. "I won't lie though; it helped that the actress was really, really pretty. I think she was probably my first crush."

"Oh, yeah?" Saaya's brows shoot up into her bangs. She glances at the movie, where Yellow herself unmasks. Cheap fireworks highlight her very impressive silhouette. Tomoe couldn't have asked for better timing, except in this case, _she really didn't ask_. "Blue eyes and brown hair, huh?"

"W-well..." Tomoe fumbles for words, and failing to catch any, tries for a smile. "You did say formative, right?"

"That I did." Saaya shakes her head, and Tomoe gets the distinct feeling that she's being laughed at. It's like a second sense, sort of, built up over a childhood and lifetime of laughing and loving the other members of Afterglow.

And right now, that second sense is going off like a siren—but then Saaya's smile unfurls, and Tomoe can't find it in her to be embarrassed at all.

"If we're being honest though, I used to have a thing for Ranger Pink," Saaya says. She winks, a quick flutter of long lashes against the arch of her cheek, and Tomoe's heart smashes a rhythm against her ribs like a series of ghost beats—she can't hear it, not really, but the way it's thudding against her chest? That's love, right there. "So I guess I'm not one to talk."

"Red hair, huh," Tomoe manages past the knot her heart has made of her throat.

"Red hair," says Saaya, and her smile is such a warm, perfect thing. Tomoe just wants to—wants to—

She's barely begun to lean in when the lock clicks, and with a bang— _open the door, don't slam it_!—Ako bursts into the living room, a cookie caught between her teeth.

"Thiiiiith—!?" Ako's eyes widen as she takes in the scene: Tomoe's body arched towards Saaya's, Saaya's arm looped over the back of the couch, nearly brushing Tomoe's shoulders.

She's always been a smart girl, her Ako. Her eyes widen. She finishes the cookie so quickly that Tomoe swears it disintegrates. "Oh! Saya-chan! You're here! In our house! W-with Sis!"

Saaya settles back against the couch, hands neatly laced in her lap, and turns that warm smile to Ako. Tomoe's heart is doing—doing acrobatics, gymnastics, spinning around and around in her chest like Lisa on the dance floor. God. Saaya's so _good_. Moca always jokes about Tomoe being the supreme big sister, but in her eyes, there's no question: Saaya's got her beat out for that title for sure. "Hey, welcome back, Ako! Ah—sorry, am I in the way...?"

"No! Nope, n-not at all! I just wasn't expecting you here so late." Ako toes off her shoes and stumbles into the living room. Her eyes are darting all over the place, and yep—that's her panic expression, alright.

Tomoe would be a little more worried if she weren't _this close_ to evaporating with embarrassment. That's the problem with being so close to your siblings. Telling them things that are important to you just means that they know exactly what's happening the second you fall into an embarrassing situation.

"Oh—what time is it?" Saaya glances at the clock above the television and gasps. "It's seven already!? I was supposed to be home twenty minutes ago!"

"Twenty!?" Tomoe smacks her forehead. God, that's right! Saaya had said something about a curfew when she agreed to come over. She can't believe that they both forgot! Tomoe springs up to her feet, rushing to the doorway to shove her sneakers on. "Aw, damn! Saaya, sorry for keeping you so late. I'll walk you home!"

"No, it's okay, it was my bad to begin with. I shouldn't have been so caught up in..." Her gaze falls on Tomoe's face. It's weirdly heavy, and Tomoe's cheeks burn the longer she doesn't look away. "... In the movie."

Saaya finally tears her eyes away and bustles around the living room, throwing her things into her school bag. She spares Tomoe a strained smile. "Besides, I wouldn't want to keep the two of you from dinner!"

God, Saaya's so polite and proper. She makes a sound argument, but you know what Tomoe has? Guilt. Lots of it. Her honor will not let her do anything less than see Saaya right to her door, and after all her years on the taiko team and handling the adults running the town festivals, Tomoe's more than skilled in the art of wrangling social niceties.

"I invited you over, so I shoulda been more aware of your schedule. C'mon Saaya, please? It was my bad. The least I can do is make sure you get home safe." And apologize to the Yamabukis while she's at it. Tomoe wouldn't be able to take it if Saaya gets scolded because of her.

Saaya hesitates, one hand in her bag. She glances up at the clock. "Well, alright. But only if it's not too much trouble?"

"Definitely not," Tomoe says as Ako chirps, "It's not at all, Saaya-chan!"

She rummages in the pocket of her school blazer and Tomoe raises her hand just in time to snatch Ako's housekeys from the air. The knot of charms makes her palm sting. "I already ate dinner with my band, and—and Sis can grab something from a ramen shop on the way back!" Her voice drops to a whisper. "She'll probably bring back some for me, too. We love ramen, so you're doing us a favor here, really."

Aw. Is Ako...?

Tomoe smiles. That's her little sis. The best wingman a girl could ever ask for. Well, she won't let Ako's efforts go to waste. She holds the door open, the evening air cool against her skin. "Ako's right. Won't be a problem at all, see Saaya?"

"Well..." Saaya shoulders her bag. Her smile's regained some of that light and grows brighter by the second. "If you're sure."

“’Course I am. C’mon, if you’re ready, we can continue that conversation ‘bout the Happy Rangers on the way back.”

“Have a safe trip, Saaya-chan!” Ako follows them to the doorway, buzzing with energy. Tomoe tries not to flush when she winks—or more accurately, blinks rapidly—as Saaya slips her shoes on.

There’s only one thing to do when she’s about to be embarrassed by her baby sister: flex her elder sibling superiority. “I know you already ate, but don’t play games for too long, Ako,” Tomoe says, jabbing a finger at Ako’s chest. “I’ll disconnect the router if I see you online past nine thirty!”

“Alright, alright!” She’s buzzing with so much nervous energy that Tomoe wouldn’t be surprised if her pigtails suddenly stood on end. “Um—it was nice seeing you again, Saaya-chan! Take care of Sis!”

“I think she’s the one taking care of me, but I’ll try just for you, Ako,” Saaya says, waving. The narrow doorway forces her to stand close enough to Tomoe that their sides brush. It’s nice. Definitely nice. “See you soon!”

The last thing Tomoe sees before she shuts the door is Ako’s wide grin and her two thumbs up.

Oh, baby sis. Never change.

 

* * *

 

They visit CiRCLE for a jam session. Which is great, because Tomoe has _opinions_ about drumming, and while she won’t budge on saying that Ako’s the best of the bands in their circle, Saaya comes close. Really, really close.

It’s probably a difference in style and taste. Roselia’s sound is pretty close to Afterglow’s when it comes to the drums, and Tomoe can’t exactly deny favoritism when it comes to evaluating everyone’s respective drumming ability. After all, Maya-senpai’s one of the best players Tomoe’s ever had the pleasure of meeting, but Pastel*Palette’s songs just aren’t… well. The idol genre’s never been Tomoe’s favorite field of music.

But Poppin’ Party? Poppin’ Party is a wildcard when it comes to music genre, and half of the time Tomoe has no idea what to make of their discography beyond that they sound amazing. Saaya’s abilities are exactly what Poppin’ Party needs. She’s got just the perfect amount of technical skill and versatility to make their antics _work_ , and there’s something undefinable about her playing, something that screams Yamabuki Saaya, that grabs Tomoe’s attention and holds it; the way Saaya herself holds Tomoe’s heart.

So yeah, she’s really glad they have a chance to jam together. At CiRCLE. Which is where most of the bands in their group tend to practice and where drummers who want to jam together without bringing down a building or upsetting the neighborhood aunties book studio time to play.

This is important because Tomoe forgot one very crucial thing when she penciled their names in for the afternoon timeslot: Roselia’s weekend practices always start at 2 p.m., on the dot. Which would normally be fine, because she can see Ako while Roselia sets up and say hello to Lisa and Sayo while she’s at it, but…

It doesn’t turn out like that.

Tomoe’s so busy admiring the sway of Saaya’s curls and how a few stray strands have stuck to her neck that she loses track of time—yet again. Seriously, it’s getting to be a problem every time they hang out. Tomoe’s usually way more responsible than this. Sure, she’s not the one that talks to Marina to book studio time or arrange live shows, but Tomoe’s like… like Afterglow’s big sister. Or Dad. Whatever Moca decides to call her that day. She’s plenty responsible. Being responsible is her whole thing, even.

Udagawa Tomoe always has it together—except when it comes to Saaya, apparently.

“So,” Saaya gasps, shaking her bangs from her face and Tomoe out of her thoughts. She flexes her hands and rotates her wrists with a faint grin. Tomoe’s hands ache in sympathy. “How was that?”

“Fantastic. Your next show’s gonna be amazing.” Saaya’s pleased smile sends Tomoe’s stomach into flips. She clears her throat. “You sure it’s alright for me to be hearing this? You haven’t performed this song before, right?”

“It’s fine. You’ve got special backstage access.”

“Do I now?” Tomoe scratches the back of her neck with her sticks. She gets the feeling that this is something special. Saaya, for all her warmth and friendliness, doesn’t open up very easily. She’s like a sunflower, maybe; always chasing some kind of sun.

How ironic. Tomoe’s always felt like she’s the one hurrying after Saaya, desperate to bask in even a little bit of the light that halos her. “Well, thanks.”

“Before you ask, it’s probably fine with the others, too. I don’t think that any of us care too much about showing our songs before we perform them for the first time,” Saaya says, tapping the hi-hat. The rattling brass sends Tomoe’s foot jittering to its rhythm. “Kasumi is in charge of lyrics, and she’s always talking with Maruyama-senpai and Minato-san about how to make our songs better.”

“Ahh—you know me well. Come to think of it, I think Kasumi asks Ran sometimes, too.” During lunch last month, Ran had pulled out her phone and hardly looked up for almost twenty minutes, despite Tsugu’s worried stare. It took Moca licking her cheek to snap her out of it. “She doesn’t happen to have Ran’s phone number, does she?”

“Oh, she definitely does.” Saaya’s rhythm doesn’t stutter even for a moment as she shakes her head. “I think she’s made it her personal mission to get the phone numbers of every girl in Haneoka and Hanasakigawa for…” Her brow furrows. “Reasons?”

Reasons? Reasons that _Saaya_ doesn’t know about? That’s not ominous at all. “And how’s that working out for her? Ran’s not the most cooperative of people, y’know.”

“You know her better than I do, but she helped Kasumi write Tear Drops in the end, didn’t she?”

Tomoe nods. That’s one of her favorite Poppin’ Party songs, if she’s honest. Totally her style—she hadn’t thought Kasumi had the vocals for it, but the lyrics, the sound, the crash of drums and the roaring guitar… it was good. She wondered if Saaya would teach her the drum’s section.

Saaya’s ponytail sways. “She and Tae are a little beyond me, but that girl can get along with anyone.”

“If she can get Ran to work with her without any of us there? Definitely,” laughs Tomoe. She feels kinda bad dragging Ran like this when she’s not here to defend herself, but there’s just some things she can’t say, even to Afterglow. Or rather, because they’re Afterglow; sometimes it’s nice to get an outsider’s perspective on their rhythms.

Tomoe’s always looking after them from the back, after all, so everything’s close up and almost larger than life: Ran belting into the mic. Himari, curled so tightly around her bass that her hat seemed ready to slip off her head. Tsugu plunking away at the keys, mouthing the lyrics as she played. And Moca, reaching to pinch Ran’s butt during MC breaks. Tomoe sees them all, but who’s looking after Tomoe? Who’s watching her on-stage?

But Saaya gets it.

It’s not just that they’re both drummers and big sisters. Or—okay, yeah, that’s kind of a big part of it. But Saaya just… gets her. Tomoe can open up a side of herself to Saaya that the rest of Afterglow, all only children and all-too familiar with Tomoe and her ways, wouldn’t understand.

It’s easy to be with Saaya. Her kind smiles, easy affection, and calloused hands make it so easy for Tomoe to open up and feel... feel all kinds of things. Saaya’s beaming that warm smile her way now, pausing her drumming to capture the delicate hinge of Tomoe’s wrist between her middle finger and thumb.

“You’re frowning,” she says. “What are you thinking so hard about?”

There’s something about her voice. Once again, Tomoe gets the distinct impression that she’s being teased or laughed at—and somehow, she doesn’t mind it in the least.

“Just Afterglow. Music. Me… and you?” Tomoe offers. Her cheeks warm. Yeah, she can’t even blame that awful line on Moca. This is all her. She clears her throat and grins, like—like hey, c’mon! At least she’s trying!

Saaya laughs, full-throated and warm, and shakes Tomoe’s wrist from side to side. “Really now?” Her eyes are bright. “Throw Ako in there and I think you’d have a pretty good summary of what you think about every day.”

“Guess I’ve made you a pretty handy checklist then, haven’t I?” They grin at each other like… like idiots. And Tomoe supposes that they are being a little dumb. She’s never really had the time to indulge in things like this, and with Saaya’s schedule, Tomoe doubts she’s ever been able to do this kind of thing either.

She’s been looking after Ako and the other Afterglow members for so long that the concept of taking time off to be young and stupid and indulge in reckless teenage activities is almost foreign to her. Her flirting feels clumsy and unfamiliar on her tongue, but it’s nice too, like she and Saaya are swapping secrets that only they could ever understand.

Thrilling, is what it is. Tomoe likes what she finds in Saaya: a kindred spirit, a rival, a friend, and if she’s lucky…

Well. Tomoe’s rushed into enough stuff in her life to know to cool her jets on that one. But she knows what she wants, and Saaya’s hardly been subtle about her intentions; the weight of their want lends the flirtations and challenges and sidelong looks a deeper charge. They’re inevitable, in a way. All Tomoe has to do is take that last step, and Saaya would meet her halfway.

She reaches out and traces the soft skin of Saaya’s cheek. She’s got drummer’s hands, made doubly more calloused by taiko practice and the unfortunate reality of having dishwashing as her daily household chore. She wonders if the callouses feel weird on Saaya’s cheek.

If they do, Saaya doesn’t say so. She grins, and Tomoe finds that she likes the feel of it against her fingertips, the way that smile lights up Saaya’s face and throws a faint blush across her cheeks.

That’s when the door bursts open. “Excuse— _meee!?”_

Tomoe jumps away as if burned. Saaya jerks back, her perpetual composure spectacularly broken as she flails for balance. Ako stands in the doorway with her mouth wide open. Tomoe would scold her for flinging the door open so roughly, but she’s too busy wrestling with the fact that Ako is here at all. Interrupting her. Again.

Then Lisa steps into the room, and Tomoe’s about ready to melt into the floor because she’s not _alone._ There’s Minato-senpai, Rinko, and—oh, fuck, Sayo-san. They stare at Tomoe and Saaya, still in _clearly_ incriminating positions despite falling apart: Saaya leaning at an angle from Tomoe, Tomoe standing behind the drum kit, also known as no-man’s land for anyone who wasn’t the drummer in the seat. Poor Himari had once learned that the hard way when she danced a little too close to the kit and accidentally knocked over a cymbal stand, nearly wrecking a whole practice session.

“Uh,” says Lisa, Tomoe’s savior and definite favorite senpai. “Hey, Tomoe.” She nods cordially, lips curling into a pleasant smile. “And Saaya!”

“Hi, Imai-san…”

“Hey, Lisa-san. Hey, Ako.” Tomoe waves, which is probably the worst thing she could have done because before she knows it, Yukina’s unblinking stare is trained right on her and Tomoe doesn’t care if the top of Yukina’s head barely comes up to Tomoe’s nose—right now, Yukina looks like she’s about ready to take the case off Lisa’s shoulder and try to kneecap Tomoe with it.

“Roselia has the two to five studio booking,” she says in that cool, quiet voice, and _now_ Tomoe gets it. She understands everything now. She won’t ever scold Ran for picking a fight with Yukina ever again, not when Yukina seems so determined to pick a fight first. “You two are in the way.”

She folds her arms, somehow giving the impression of staring down at them despite being a good thirteen centimeters shorter than Tomoe. Tomoe is caught between the need to apologize and the urge to say something snippy—she’s never dealt well with anything approaching confrontation, too eager to bare her teeth in defense of the people she cares for, but she doesn’t exactly have the moral high ground to launch herself off of right now.  

Yukina’s attitude isn’t unwarranted or unexpected. Tomoe is at fault here, and the day Yukina’s ice cold exterior melts will be the day that Moca learns to stop slouching, put on clothes that aren’t the same two worn-out hoodies, and be a moral, upstanding citizen who didn’t make a practice of burping into Ran’s mic during practice.

Lisa’s hand comes down on Yukina’s shoulder. “Yuuukina, come on. It’s still five minutes to two! Technically, our practice hasn’t even started yet.”

Yukina glances at her, and maybe it’s just a trick, but the tight line of her shoulders seems to unwind a little under Lisa’s touch. “… We always set up around this time.”

“We still can!” Ako blurts. She throws herself into Tomoe’s path, putting her tiny body between her and Roselia. Poor Ako has been grimacing since the moment she burst through the doors, and she seems to shrink a little under the weight of the room’s stares. Tomoe doesn’t like that she’s partially responsible for that. Ako is already so close to the ground. She doesn’t need anything that could push her even lower. “Um, I mean—this is kinda my fault? I shouldn’t have run in here without checking if there were people inside. Sorry, Sis… everyone…”

“Naw, that’s not true, Ako,” Tomoe says just as Saaya cries, “You couldn’t have known!”

They stare at one another before Saaya gestures at her. Tomoe manages to pull herself out of Saaya’s gravity and ruffle Ako’s hair, the motion as instinctive as a two-and-four beat. “Hey, c’mon now, I’m the one who should have been watching the time. This is my bad, not yours.”

“And mine,” Saaya says. She rises from her seat and touches Tomoe’s arm, smiling down at Ako like she would her own sister. “I can’t let Tomoe take all the blame, can I? I should’ve been more aware of how much studio time we had left, so,” she steps past Ako and offers Roselia a bow. “I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”

“Yeah, the same.” Okay, there’s no way she’s gonna be able to execute a bow without knocking something—or someone—over. The impropriety of it makes Tomoe burn inside, but she ducks her head as low as she can. It’s the thought that counts, right?

She shouldn’t have bothered though; Yukina doesn’t deign to respond. She acknowledges them with a sharp, curt nod, then turns away like Tomoe and Saaya have suddenly ceased to exist. “Lisa, Sayo, Rinko. Let’s get everything set up.”

“A-ah… right…"

“Sure thing!”

“Alright.”

Tomoe clears her throat. “Uh, we can help too, to make up for running over.”

“Ako.”

“Aaah! Yeah! W-what’s up, Yukina-san?”

“You should see your sister and Yamabuki-san out to the front desk.” Yukina unspools a cable and hands it to Rinko, who mutters a nearly-inaudible “Thank you,” and ducks down to plug it into an amp. “I won’t have you distracted during practice because you’re too busy worrying about this.”

“Really!? Thanks, Yukina-san!” Ako’s arm hooks around Tomoe’s and tugs insistently towards the door. Tomoe, about twenty kilograms heavier than her tiny, tiny little sister, stays rooted to the spot until Saaya darts between Lisa and Sayo and gathers up her things. Only after she’s ready does Tomoe let herself be dragged bodily out of the studio, one hand clutching her sticks and the other clenched in a fist.

The afternoon sun beats down on them, and Tomoe shivers despite herself. She can still feel the chill of CiRCLE’s air conditioning on her skin. The sudden change in temperature is disarming, and the heat does her temper no favors.

“Man,” Tomoe fumes, “Minato-san sure doesn’t like to make things easy, does she?” She makes it a policy not to speak badly of others, but the dismissive scour of Yukina’s eyes over her face brings back bad memories. She still hasn’t forgotten the first and only time Afterglow and Roselia clashed, not by a longshot. It really ended up being nothing, but it still makes her shoulders itch to remember.

Tomoe looks up to Roselia, she really does. It’s Ako’s band after all, and she likes Lisa, Sayo, and Rinko plenty. But sometimes, Yukina really makes Tomoe consider breaking out the names. Like calling her a piece of work. Or a jerk.

“Yukina-san’s not like that, usually! I mean, you’re still cooler than her, but she’s normally really… really…” Ako waves her arms, nose scrunching up. “… Cool!”

“I know.” Tomoe puts her thumb under Ako’s chin and flicks up, swatting the disbelieving pout off of her face. “Hey, don’t look at me like that—I’m being serious. I know you wouldn’t look up to her so much if there wasn’t something ‘bout her that you admired.”

“I’m sensing a ‘but’ tacked on there,” Saaya says, because she likes to watch Tomoe squirm.

 _“But,”_ Tomoe sighs, “she could stand to be a little less cold, right? She and Ran would definitely clash a lot less they learned to phrase things better.” Seriously. It’s kind of ironic that Ran can put so much heart and passion into her lyrics, then turn around and sound practically subzero in a conversation with anyone outside of their select circle. Tomoe would feel a lot better about Yukina if she were the same as Ran: stranger-shy and fumbling to turn her thoughts into coherent words—but Yukina has made it very clear that she has no trouble saying exactly what she thinks.

Ako pumps her fists in the air. “But that’s what makes it so great when Yukina-san compliments you! It’s like—like beating a raid boss after five hours or…”

She trails off, muttering. That’s her “dark angels descend, eagle howling for love and justice” expression, and Tomoe knows better than to try and touch any of… that. She wants to be a supportive big sister, she really does! But some things are better left for a young middle schooler and her tall pianist friend to explore alone, and just the thought of trying to approach Ako with the same language makes Tomoe’s head spin. So, no, yeah—she’ll leave Ako be.

Right now, she’s got an apology to give.

“I’m sorry ‘bout all that,” Tomoe says to Saaya. This kind of lighting suits her best. Her long lashes are nearly incandescent and her eyes, lovely even in the darkest room, are impossibly blue. Jeez. Who gave her permission to be so pretty? Tomoe’s got a lot to say to Mr. and Mrs. Yamabuki, and she’s pretty sure a good half of those are ‘thank you’s. “I didn’t really plan to be interrupted and scolded by Yukina-san when I invited you, I promise.”

“It’s fine. I had a really good time anyways.” Saaya shifts her bag up higher on her shoulder. She gestures back at CiRCLE, where four-fifths of Roselia is no doubt hard at work. “It might not have ended the way you hoped, but I think I got a lot done anyways.”

“Yeah?”

“Definitely. Did you like our new song?”

“’Course I did. It’s got a real nice rhythm to it.” Tomoe folds her arms. “When—when didja say you were performing it, again?” Note to self—stare at Saaya less and pay attention more.

Saaya’s smile shows off every single one of her pearly teeth. She reaches into her bag and fishes out a yellow envelope. It’s almost translucent in the sunlight, and Tomoe can see the shape of something long and rectangular inside. “Why don’t you take this and find out? You’ve been meaning to get Ako out of the house more often, right?”

Tomoe fingers the edge of the envelope. She knows what it is, Saaya’s not subtle, but— “Can I open this now?”

“Go ahead.”

Tomoe peels away the flap with her thumb, and yep: two tickets to a late Saturday night live at CiRCLE. Tomoe recognizes a few of the bands playing, but none stand out as much as Poppin’ Party’s, listed front and center under the shimmering gold band decorating the ticket. “Woah. You know I have to get you a ticket to Afterglow’s next show now, right?”

“You don’t have to,” Saaya says. She’s grinning, pleased as anything by Tomoe’s delight. “But if you do, make sure it’s just the one, okay? I don’t think your music is my siblings’ genre.”

“Probably not,” Tomoe laughs, folding the envelope and sticking it in her back pocket. “Hey, listen—you’re heading back to the bakery now, right? Mind if I walk with you?”

“Huh? Oh, come on, Tomoe—you don’t have to!” Saaya traces the line of her jaw with a thumb. Tomoe watches the motion and swallows past her dry throat. “Are you trying to make this a thing?”

“A thing, huh? This is the second time Ako’s bumped into us when we’re—together,” Tomoe says, voice catching treacherously over the word. Recover, recover. She glances at Ako and hides her embarrassment with sisterly concern. Ako has her chin in her hand and has begun to mutter something about dark arrows. At least Tomoe will never have to worry about Ako’s vocabulary, even if she’s a little scared she’s enabling a second Seta-senpai in the making. “She’s kind of already made it a thing for us.”

“Crashing our date nights isn’t really her fault, but she does have a knack for it, doesn’t she?” Tomoe flushes, then burns up entirely when Saaya rests a hand on her bicep. She squeezes gently, and it doesn’t mean anything, except that it clearly means _something._ “If this is because you feel like you have to make up for it or something…”

“No! Nah, no, it’s not,” Tomoe stammers. “I just… I just really don’t wanna leave you yet. That’s all.”

It might just be her imagination, but Saaya’s cheeks go a little pink. The sight still gives Tomoe the confidence to grin sheepishly and ask: “Please, Saaya?”

“I-if you’re asking like that…” Saaya grins right back. “Then I hope you don’t mind if I throw a couple of buns in for you when you walk me back. And before you say anything, they’re not for free. Consider it… a thank you gift, for always taking me out?”

“Even if we can’t ever finish a date?”

“Even if we can’t ever finish a date.”

“I can’t turn down an offer like that,” laughs Tomoe, and dares to bump her hip against Saaya’s. She waves her hand in the air; Ako looks up. “Akoooo! You’d better get back in there! Roselia can’t start without their amazing drummer, right?”

“Oh—oh, you’re right!” Ako flails comically for a second, losing all control of her gangly limbs before rushing for the door. “I’ll see you at home, Sis!”

“Yep.” Wait, Ako’s not slowing down. Oh, shit. “Hey, don’t—”

_Slam._

Oh, little sis. Tomoe rubs between her brows, but she can’t help the smile stretching across her face as Ako peels herself off the door and wobbles inside. “That’s not our front door. Honestly…”

Saaya laughs, warm and fond. “Don’t worry, Jun did the exact same thing last week, and he didn’t have the excuse of being in a hurry. I guess I must have cleaned the store’s windows a little too well that day.”

“Well, younger siblings.”

“We love them to death, don’t we?”

Tomoe grins at Saaya, so widely that her cheeks ache with it. “Sure do.”

 

* * *

 

It kind of becomes a thing.

Ako, bless her heart, doesn’t mean to. She’s such a sweet girl; she knows how much it means to Tomoe to have Saaya in her life, and she’d never do something like this on purpose.

But, God. Timing. Ako’s timing is _awful_.

They go on two more dates after the incident at CiRCLE. The first time, a walk in the park with Saaya’s siblings in tow. Tomoe had dared to put her arm around Saaya’s shoulders while watching Jun and Sana run around the playground, but just as she was about to work up the courage to lean her head against Saaya’s? Ako crashed onto the scene, sprinting after a dog with a red handkerchief around its neck and yelling at the top of her lungs.

Which was like; really? Really!? Ako doesn’t even go outside except for school, practice, and hanging out with Tomoe or Rinko! Why that day of all days to run around the park? And… why the dog?

It had all turned out well in the end; Ako joined them for ice cream and Tomoe’s chest had gotten tight at the way Saaya smoothly, easily paid for Ako’s portion when Tomoe realized she had left her wallet at home—and getting to share a sundae with Saaya had been pretty great too.

But then came the day at Yamabuki Bakery. Alright, so maybe that date hadn’t been planned. But Tomoe had gotten a chance to spend quality time with Saaya, and that’s all that matters. Tomoe had met the parents, bantered with Saaya as she slid trays of hot, fresh bread into their display cases, and helped move sacks of flour and other supplies so that poor Mr. Yamabuki wouldn’t have to strain his back anymore.

The sun filtering through the bakery’s windows had made Saaya glow, and Tomoe hadn’t missed the way Saaya’s parents looked to her, then to Saaya, like there’d been a secret hidden there. It made Tomoe feel warm all over, flushed from head to toe with a buzzing delight that she hadn’t been able to hide.

It had also made her careless. Ako had mentioned wanting to do a raid that night, and raids always meant hours in front of her three-screen computer rig, chattering away into her headset with Rinko on the other end. It also meant that Ako wouldn’t sit down at the dinner table to eat with Tomoe. And while that would normally be unacceptable, with both of their band practices and extracurriculars, they hadn’t seen as much of each other as they used to. It was a complicated mix of guilt, understanding, and affection that drove Tomoe to indulge in the less healthy aspects of Ako’s gaming habits. It was better, Tomoe thought, to let her have the occasional five-hour gaming binge as opposed to however long Ako could go without her supervision.

Anyways, gaming. Ako wanted to game and wouldn’t be eating a proper dinner, so what did she do? She went to the Yamabuki Bakery to buy bread to eat as she played, and Tomoe just couldn’t—couldn’t flirt with her little sister right there. That was illegal, probably.

So that’s how things are. Tomoe tries so, so hard to set things up properly. She knows how romance goes. Sure, she’s never dated a girl for real before, but—manga is really informative, okay! And Tomoe respects women. If nothing else, she knows she has to treat a girl right, and that includes making her intentions crystal clear. Official-like, with flowers and mood lighting and—

She should probably stop turning towards manga as her first resource on romance.

But it’s important to her that she gives Saaya the romance she deserves! Anyone can flirt. Seta-senpai, for example, is extremely good at it, and as much as Tomoe hates to admit it, so is Moca. But Saaya deserves more than Tomoe’s clumsy efforts at flirtation. She deserves something serious; something that Tomoe’s all too willing to give, if only the universe would line itself up and let her deliver!

And that’s how they find themselves as far away from any of Ako’s haunts as possible: Hanasakigawa.

Tomoe really, really wouldn’t have picked this place for a date, but all of Tomoe’s have thus far ended in Ako-related shenanigans. Maybe Saaya’s pick is just what she needs to break the curse.

“Thanks again for coming to help,” gasps Saaya, straightening up. She presses her gloved hands against the small of her back. “I would do this myself, but I have a shift at the bakery later and Jun and Sana—” She breaks off into a weary smile. “Well, you know how it is.”

Tomoe nods sagely. Oh boy, does she. “Don’t even worry about it. I’ve been meaning to exercise outdoors more often, and ‘sides—this isn’t a bad alternative to the gym.” She gestures at the plethora of pots, planters, and bags of soil around them. There’s more greenery in this one secluded section of Hanasakigawa than there is on the entirety of Haneoka. It’s prettier, that’s for sure, but it’s definitely a lot of work. Tomoe likes the great outdoors plenty, but having to tend to it? Yeah, maybe not. “Besides, I know you’d do the same for me.”

“Maybe not,” Saaya says with a faint smile. There’s a smear of dirt on her freckled cheeks, and Tomoe itches to swipe at it—but her hands are just as dirty as Saaya’s and playing around in the dirt isn’t nearly as fun now that they’re older. “But I’d bring you some buns and watch you work.”

“Well, what matters is that you would come,” Tomoe says magnanimously. “The bread might be about as useful as you are, anyways.”

“Should I be offended?”

“You shouldn’t. I can use the bread to bribe Moca, and she’d have all of this,” Tomoe sweeps out her arms, gesturing at the rampant greenery around them, “finished in less than an hour.”

“That’s a bit… no, that seems like something Moca might do.” Saaya shakes her head ruefully, and Tomoe really shouldn’t be finding a sweaty, weary Saaya this attractive. “O-Tae’s a little weird like that too. Maybe it’s a guitarist thing.”

“Aahh, well. Y’know, going to school with Seta-senpai and Hina-senpai, I’d really believe it.”

Tomoe carefully eases her fingers into the soil of one of the potted plants and heaves, hurriedly plopping the delicate sapling into the ground before too much dirt can crumble away. “So why only me, by the way? I’m not complaining, but you could’ve called your band or…” Tomoe wracks her brain for other people she’s seen Saaya with. “Hagumi?”

“I love Popipa, I really do, but this isn’t something that would benefit from a team effort.” Saaya holds up a finger. “Arisa’s the one with the green thumb, but she fries if she stays outdoors for too long. Plus, she’s too shrimpy for hard labor.” She puts up another finger. “So is Rimi. And Kasumi and Tae are… well.”

She shrugs helplessly, and Tomoe nods. She’s met them. She understands. “As for Hagumi... she’d agree to help, but I think she’d wear me out pretty quickly. Besides, she’s no you.” She nudges Tomoe like they’re just joking around; as if Tomoe’s insides aren’t doing flips and acrobatics and a whole bunch of things that shouldn’t be possible for the human body. “So you see, I’ve given this some thought.”

Tomoe clears her throat and pretends to scratch her nose with her forearm. Blushing? Her? No way. Some dirt just got up her nose, that’s all.

Saaya watches her with a smile. She fits right in among the lush greenery, tennis shoes sinking into the black soil and the hems of her red track pants nearly lost in a sea of grass. She’s a sunflower and the sun, all at once.

 _I love her,_ Tomoe thinks desperately, and every ounce of her usual self-assurance has evaporated now that the prettiest girl in the world is front of her.

She opens her mouth, and words spill out like when she’s angry and fuming and the concept of a filter doesn’t exist anymore. But she’s not angry now. No, this feeling is, if anything, stronger. Improbably. Impossibly. And yet, here it is.

“That’s pretty funny,” Tomoe says, and she can barely hear herself over her racing heart. “’Cause there’s something I’ve given some thought to, too.”

“Uh huh?”

No sudden appearances by Ako can stop her now. Tomoe takes Saaya’s hands, and oh—she probably should have taken off her gloves to try this, but it’s too late to back out now.

In Tomoe’s honest opinion, Saaya’s always been way, way better than her at this whole—whatever it is they’re doing. Romancing is what she wants to call it, but with how clumsy Tomoe’s been and all the shenanigans that have stopped her from taking that last, final step? It’s a miracle that Saaya’s still interested, much less interested enough to look at her like that: with such soft eyes and a blush that paints her painfully pretty face a soft pink.

Tomoe takes a deep breath. “I’ve been thinking… you and me, we’ve been doing this for a while now, huh? Going out, hanging out, finding ways to see each other…” She gestures around them, and Saaya follows the line of her arm to gaze out at their secluded little corner of camps. Private. Personal. Fare away from anything that can interrupt them.

Oh, God. She’s really doing this. Does it make her a coward if she wishes Ako were here to stumble in and ruin the moment?

“We have been. It’s almost as though I like you, or something.”

“Well, I—” her voice catches in her throat. “I sure hope you do, ‘cause I definitely like you.” Tomoe clears her throat roughly. “You—you’re just—aw, Saaya, c’mon. You know I’m crazy about you. What else can I say?”

“Alright, alright!” Saaya’s laughter rings through the yard. “I’m sorry about teasing you so much, but you can’t blame me, right?” She pulls off her dirt-stained gloves by the tips of her fingers. She hangs them over the sides of the planter and—oh. Oh, they’re hugging. Or Saaya is hugging her. Tomoe’s mostly just holding her arms out, and while it’d be great to return Saaya’s hug, it’s not very _romantic_ if she goes and leaves muddy handprints on the back of Saaya’s jacket, right?

Saaya doesn’t give any indication of being aware of Tomoe’s internal struggle. “It’s not often that you see _the_ Udagawa Tomoe embarrassed.”

“You’re making me seem like some kind of—I don’t know, kinda aloof? That’s more Ran’s style, y’know.”

“You’re not aloof at all! You’re very kind.” Saaya bows her head. Tomoe can feel the shape of her smile against her collar and burns with heat. “It’s what I like about you. You’re kind, reliable, protective… and sometimes it feels like there’s nothing you can’t handle.”

How can she say all that so easily? Tomoe can hardly say that kind of stuff to Afterglow, and she’s known them since forever. “I dunno…”

Aw, screw it. She very carefully peels her gloves off, tossing them in a pile on the grass with significantly less care than how Saaya discarded her gloves. “There’s definitely one or two things I’m not good with at all.”

“Don’t sell yourself short. I personally thought you were great at this, too.” Saaya shifts into a more comfortable position, sliding out of Tomoe’s embrace to old her legs underneath her, rather than kneeling on the grass. “I’ve never been romanced before. You were very charming.”

“… You’re making me wonder if I can _stay_ charming, honestly.”

“I think a few of your classmates think you’re doing just fine,” Saaya laughs. “And—hey, did you know? All those times that Ako interrupted us—”

“Ah,” Tomoe grumbles. “I’m still sorry about that.”

“And it’s still fine, really,” Saaya says, nudging her shoulder. “I get to see Ako, and the part of you that I admire the most. If it were Jun or Sana, I would have lost my temper after the second or third time, but you? You didn’t snap at Ako, not even once.” She tucks a wayward curl behind her ear, smiling sheepishly. “I try to be a good big sister to them, and most of the time I think I’m doing a good job, but sometimes I just—”

She falls silent, then shakes her head. “I just think I can do better, you know? Every time I’m strict with my siblings I feel like I go too far, even when I know it’s good for them. And sometimes I’m too tough on them even when I don’t have to be. Like, I’ve got a mental image of what a perfect big sister is supposed to be, and I usually think I’m doing pretty well, but… sometimes?”

She sighs. “Sometimes, all I can see is how far away I am from that ideal.”

“And you think I’m any closer to it?” Tomoe asks, reaching for her. Saaya’s jersey is warm from the sun. She imagines that she can smell something sweet, like fresh bread and clean laundry. Oh, Saaya…

“I can’t say,” Saaya murmurs, smiling ruefully. “But I know that there’s no one in the world that Ako looks up to more than you. I know that no matter how much it frustrates you, you always try your best to be there for her and understand her. I know that she’s the kind of girl she is because of you. And that? That right there is my idea of a perfect big sister.”

Perfect big sister? _Tomoe?_ “Hey, hey.” She pulls Saaya in. She fits right under Tomoe’s chin like she was meant to be there. “You do your best for your family, Saaya. No one can be perfect all the time, and no one expects you to be either. Ain’t it enough that you’re giving it everything you have? All we can do is try sometimes, and you try harder than anyone I know.”

Saaya is a warm, solid weight in her arms. Tomoe feels her sigh wash over her collar and sits up straighter. “You’re right, but sometimes I see you and wonder how you do it. If I can do it like you. Be better, like you…”

“Saaya…” It’s weird to realize that even Saaya thinks about this stuff too. She’s so kind and put together that Tomoe can hardly imagine her being anything else, but here she is, still and heavy against Tomoe’s side. “Y’know Ako and I fight too, right? I hate it when we do, but she’s got growing pains and I’ve got—” she clears her throat, “—a hot head. ‘Sides, living together? ‘Course we fight. You can love someone with everything you’ve got and still fight.”

Afterglow is the prime example of that. The week of Tsugu’s hospitalization still weighs heavily on Tomoe’s mind, and she won’t be forgetting Ran’s tear-streaked face or the grim, determined set of Himari’s mouth anytime soon. Her arguments with Ako are never as long and are resolved almost twice as easily. They fume in their rooms for a while, but the guilt and the love draw them out eventually—Ako’s apologies are always effusive, and Tomoe has to admit: most of her spoiling ends up happening in the aftermath of making up.

“But she’s my sister. We love each other. So we make up and we try again. It’s not perfect, but it’s us—we don’t know any other way to be.” Tomoe presses her cheek into Saaya’s hair, and before she can second-guess herself, touches a soft kiss against the top of her head. “And you and your siblings can only be yourselves, y’know? Jun and Sana, they love you! They don’t know any other big sister. But they do know you work hard for them, and that you adore them—you’re their perfect big sister, Saaya.”

Saaya is quiet. Tomoe resists the urge to squirm, wondering if she’s said the wrong thing; if she’s pushed too hard and done too much. If she’s ruined everything.

“I guess you’re right.” Saaya’s rough, calloused hands come to rest on Tomoe’s. “You’ve really got a way with words, you know that?”

“Nah. Ran’s the one that gets all poetic. I just say things the way I see ‘em, but…” Tomoe lets their fingers intertwine. “Thanks for saying so.”

They sit there, basking in the warmth of the late afternoon sun. The light catches a few of the paler shades in Saaya’s hair and sets them alight, strands of gold blazing against the warm brown of her curls. She’s beautiful. So much so that even without looking at her face, Tomoe’s heart just wants to burst out of her chest.

She’s pretty damn lucky. Not everyone gets to hold the sun in their arms.

Not everyone gets to have the sun’s heart in their palms.

**Author's Note:**

> if you enjoy my content, please check out my [tumblr](http://banditchika.tumblr.com/) or my [twitter](https://twitter.com/cardteetees) to learn more about my writing!!


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